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  • Book Talk: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

    Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
    In this helpful book, Melody Beattie details what codependency looks like in various relationships in order to help others understand how to break ineffective habits and patterns and distinguish what is within their control and what, or who, is not.
    This book is a great resource for anyone who is involved in relationship(s) that leave them feeling controlling, obsessive, angry, or dependent. Melody Beattie details what codependent relationships can look like, how we can become more aware of our reactions to other people, and how to foster honesty and acceptance in our lives and relationships.
    “Codependent No More” is great for:
    -mental health professionals
    -families and couples struggling with relationship dynamics related to addictions and dependencies
    -individuals who would identify themselves as “caretakers” or “rescuers” in their personal relationships

    Megan’s favorite takeaways:
    “A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

    This book details the various types of codependent relationships and dives through the intricacies of behaviors and emotions related to codependency. It also includes activities at the end of each chapter to encourage continued reflection and growth.

    “Using the words ‘he or it or she made me feel’ often indicates we are reacting.”

    By describing our emotions in this way, we are giving another person control over us. Though feelings of anger, anxiety, and confusion are both expected and valid, we want to be able to decide how long we feel these emotions and what we want to do with them. Giving another person the control by stating that they “made” you feel a certain way shows we are reacting to them (lacking control) instead of responding (maintaining control). 

    “Self-care is an attitude toward ourselves and our lives that says, I am responsible for myself. I am responsible for leading or not living my life.” 

    Oftentimes, self-care is overused and can be confusing to define. Melody gives a detailed definition of what self-care is and this quote sums it up concisely in living our lives responsibly and with a mutual respect.

    Written by: Megan Barfield, LMFT

    If you would like to begin or continue a conversation about this topic with a therapist like Megan, feel free to book an appointment on our website or call us at 770-655-2484.