Book Talk: “Parenting: Getting It Right” by Andy and Sandra Stanley
This book is an excellent tool for parents to explore what their main goal, or “it” is, for their family to be at its happiest and healthiest. Andy & Sandra take turns detailing important aspects of parenting that they got right, got wrong, and those they are grateful for as parents of now adult children. Each season of parenthood is detailed with anecdotes of their trials, as well as helpful tools and advice for getting through these.
Written by North Point Ministries founder, Christian faith homes will recognize the prominent name and enjoy stories from a pastor they may be familiar with, but this book does not feel exclusive to this religion. Any parent reading this would find important takeaways that fit their family and culture, helping everyone reach their own familial goals.
“Parenting” is great for-new or expecting parents to be proactive-parents with older children in various stages of life-counselors who work with parents and families.
Megan’s favorite takeaways:
“We parent in a direction. The direction we choose, consciously or unconsciously, will in some way determine our children’s destination… You owe it to them to choose it ahead of time.”
Parenting is a full-time job that is never lacking with endless to-do lists. Choosing the direction you want to parent toward (i.e. parenting with the relationship in mind) helps to aid with that to-do list, the decisions surrounding it, and all of the stresses that can come with those.
“Independence is an essential ingredient for mutually satisfying relationships. Children who don’t fully individuate are robbed of the opportunity to choose an adult relationship with their parents.”
This is detailed greatly in the section about the later years of parenting teens. Working toward your child making independent decisions is both difficult and crucial to their transition to adulthood. (My personal favorite quote!)
“You love your family in your heart, but they can’t see your heart. You have to love them on your calendar.”
“Discipline makes a person better. Punishment rarely makes anybody better… The goal of discipline is to teach your child how to restore the relationship they damaged.”
Focusing on the trust and communication that was damaged in a relationship and teaching your child how to restore this will have a greater and lasting impact than assigning predetermined consequences.
“Don’t give up what’s unique to you for something someone else can do.”
Anyone can pick up our jobs and take over. You are the only person who can be the parent to your child.
Written by: Megan Barfield, LMFT
If you would like to begin or continue a conversation about this topic with a therapist like Megan, feel free to book an appointment on our website or call us at 770-655-2484.